8 Comments
User's avatar
Jeff Kinnard's avatar

God damn! Brilliant piece you got here. That entire scene played out like detailed move in my mind. As The Chronicler said, "that ending gave me whiplash!". Entirely shocking twist. But hey, now Ray has a reason to be in a bad mood.

Yakubian Ape's avatar

Thank Jeff, I appreciate it. It played out like a movie scene in my own head, and I'm glad it translated as such.

L.L. Ford's avatar

The dialogue in this was second to none, unbelievable!

Yakubian Ape's avatar

Thank you very much! I always strive to make dialogue as enjoyable as possible, so that's very high praise.

L.L. Ford's avatar

Of course! Dialogue is one of my weak points, so reading this was almost like a workshop for me in how to do better!

The Chronicler's avatar

That ending gave me whiplash! Great character-driven story with a ton of amazing detail. I cannot wait for the next installment.

Yakubian Ape's avatar

Thank you for the kind words. If the ending took you off guard, then I achieved what I set out to do.

Stephen Rowland's avatar

I’m just a reader and the dismissal, surprising for sure, only put the hook in. What’s next is the dominant question and I’m very much looking forward to it.